Takes One to Know One
by EpicKlauke5
Summary: To know others is a skill. To know yourself is a blessing. But what if you do know, and can no longer to stand what you've become. This, I have.


It was that night. Or maybe the next one? No, it was definitely that night. It was the first time I realized what was wrong. I hadn't even thought of it when walking to the pub. Honestly, I had never thought of it at all. It never seemed like it was ever a possibility for me. Slipping into the bar that evening had seemed so normal, with the bartender winking at me, asking me if I wanted a drink, and me turning the offer down. I quickly picked out someone from the throng of people and set down next to him. He looked up from his drink slowly, his eyes lingering on my chest, before finally getting to my face. We exchanged greetings and I struck up a conversation. He was young and charming but quite drunk. He eventually opened up and talked about how his girlfriend just broke up with him and how nice it is to have a lady's presence around. I expressed my sympathy but told him that I was, unfortunately, taken.

"I'm actually here to visit with him today but I'm not sure which house is his." I laughed, embarrassed.

"Well if I had such a beautiful woman coming to visit me, I would carry her through the gate. What is his name?"

I smiled, "You're sweet. His name is Darrel Lar."

"Why that's only three houses from here! I'll walk you there." He stood up but fell back into the chair with a thump. I laughed again,

"I don't think you can! Don't worry I'll be fine." I stepped from the table but he held up a hand.

"Wait a minute! I didn't get you're name." Eying him, I decided there was no harm.

"Jessa." He blinked.

"Jessa…?"

"Just Jessa." Walking out into the street, I pulled up my hood. Guards strode past me, nodding in my direction as they went. I smiled cheerfully at each of them until I arrived at Darrel's house. It was a small two-story house but had a cozy feeling to it, just like the other houses here in Anvil. I reached below one of the crates sitting by the door and pulled out a key. The sun was just disappearing under the horizon when I opened the door and slipped inside. I peeked into each room, looking for the bedroom. Finally, I come across a bed with a shadowy form breathing softly under the covers. I sat on the edge next to Darrel and put my hand on his shoulder. The moon had risen considerably since the sun had fallen and it now streamed into the window illuminating Darrel's face which formed into an expression of confusion.

"Who?" The knife plunged into his chest and he gasped in shock. I slapped my hand over his mouth as I dragged the blade down his sternum. His mouth was not needed to convey how he was feeling; his eyes did all the screaming. At the moment, they expressed unparalleled horror. They stared deep into my icy blue ones, attempting to find some scrap of mercy that may lie hidden in the frozen irises. But soon there was no emotion, and his eyes grew silent. I slid my knife from the body and wiped it along the sheets. The deep red contrasted greatly with the holy white of the moon. It was like the first paints splattered on an empty canvas. Reaching into his chest and pushing his ribs to the side I managed to cut out his slightly throbbing heart. I quickly slipped it into a pouch and prepared to leave.

I did my usual after murder check, making sure that I did not get any blood on my dark brotherhood armor and that there was no evidence I had even been there. But afterward I simply sat in the moonlight next to the pooling blood and the swiftly cooling body. Before, I had never felt a thing when murdering. An assassination was simply a job and the target was only another obstacle. Now I am Lucien Lachance's silencer. But how is this any different? What is this awful feeling that I have suddenly obtained? At first, I thought it would pass. When it didn't, I thought that maybe I was sick. The doctors told me otherwise. When I prayed to the Night Mother, nothing happened. Could it possibly have anything to do with me murdering my dark brothers and sisters? That was the time it started. Is this the Black Hand's form of vengeance? It couldn't possibly be that. Lucien specifically told me that this is the Black Hand's will. No, it is something wrong with _me._ I looked into a mirror sitting in the room. I saw a twenty-year-old redguard girl. She wore thin dark armor which is customary for dark brotherhood members. Her skin was a lighter color than most redgaurds and her face looked more like an imperial with long black hair tied in a ponytail on her back. And then there were her icy cold eyes, staring back at her with a strange expression. I tried to place the emotion. I knew that I had seen it before. It was the look of a child disobeying their parents. The look of a thief caught stealing. Guilt.

The word echoed in my head as I thought if the absurdity of the self-accusation. A guilty assassin. While I felt it was preposterous, there was an air of truth to it. I knew that this was it. After everything I did in the dark brotherhood, the murder, lies, and betrayal, it was all finally catching up to me. I stood up shakily, still unable to believe my situation. I do not remember leaving, but it must have happened soon after because next thing I knew, I was at the clients house. I watch as he looks with glee on the heart and gives me the biggest of smiles. I cannot muster the will to smile back. This does not faze him as he pays me and gives me a note. The encrypted note contains the location of the next dead drop. All members of the dark brotherhood are required to learn the encryption code so that notes and information can be passed safely. I took the gold and shoved the note in my pocket. Walking away, I never even give the corrupted client a second glance. I must have spent most of the night in Darrel's house because dawn was just breaking as I made my way out. Strange, it had felt like only minutes. I kept my hood up on the way to the gate, avoiding guards by ducking into alleys and merging with the shadows. They, of coarse, still will not have found out of the murder but it paid to be cautious in my profession. I was home clear. The path to the gate was devoid of guards. I smiled at my luck. I must have come at the shift change. I stepped from the shadows to approach the gate when, suddenly, I heard a shout.

"Jessa! Hey Jessa!" I spun around; it was the man from the pub last night. My luck did not look so great any more. He jogged up to me with a big smile on his face.

"Jessa! It is good to see you again! Did you find your boyfriends house alright last night?"

I forced a smile, "Oh yeah I found it alright. I was about to head home now." He looked confused.

"What? So soon? You just got here last night didn't you?"

"Well we had an argument."

"Oh I'm sorry." He tried and failed to hide the pleasure in his face. A shout came from down the street and a group of guards jogged past. I turned my head to hide my face. No doubt they have discovered the body and are looking for a suspect. One of them stopped beside us.

"It would be wise to get off the street. A man has been killed."

"Nine that's awful! We'll go inside straight away!" I piped up with feigned surprise before the man from the bar could ask any questions. I realized that I didn't know his name, not that it mattered. The guard nodded and jogged away. I turned to whatsisname.

"I should probably go. My mother will be expecting me home. I'll see you later…?" his eyebrows shot up and he smacked his head,

"I'm an idiot! I didn't introduce myself!" He did a small bow, "My name is Rorick Fellen, it is a pleasure to meet you. May I invite you to dinner tonight? I promise I will be sober this time." I glanced to a pair of guards as they talked and one of them pointed in my direction. If I stayed much longer than they may start asking questions. I hastily put on a distracted smile.

"I'm sorry but my mother is really sick so I can't stay any longer." Rorick looked slightly hurt but he shook it off. The guards started to walk in our direction.

"At least let me know where you live so that I may visit." I had stopped paying attention and was watching the guards in the corner of my eyes.

"Goodbye Rorick!" I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek in hopes to dissuade the two soldiers but they did not halt. Walking away quickly and leaving Rorick there in the street, I turned sharply into an ally. The guards entered moments later and slowed to a stop. One of them growled angrily,

"Where did she go?" The other told him to shut up.

"She's still here, just hiding" He glanced around suspiciously and stepped forward. He was dead before he even heard the arrow coming. The other guard stepped up to help his friend but halted when he realized that it was beyond his power.

"Where the hell are you bitch!"

"Right here." There wasn't enough time to turn around before the blade plunged deep into his back. He turned his head to look at me and blood dribbled from his mouth. He fell to the ground with a clang. I wiped the blood from the knife a slid it into my sheath when the second wave struck. I blinked hard as the now familiar feeling returned. I knew that I must leave. Escape before I am discovered here. I was extremely vulnerable but against my will, I was rooted to the spot. Had they had families? Friends? What made their lives less important than mine? I stared at the bodies in the lake of blood. That should be _me_. I had nobody except Lucien and the Night Mother but unfortunately neither are real family. The guard's children will grow up without a father and their wives will weep for the husband every night, cursing the monster that murdered them. Cursing _me_. I was surprised when I felt the tears leak from my eyes. My head shook angrily at such a foolish act.

I turned away, unable to look upon the fruit of my trade. I moved to the gates in a haze, struggling to sort through my thoughts. The guilt chewed my heart. I knew that this could not continue. I will never be able to complete my jobs if this happens every time I kill someone. The front gates creaked open ominously and the soldier which had returned to his post nodded at me, unaware that I had slaughtered his comrades. I made my way to the stabled and greeted my horse, Shadowmere. He whinnied and stomped a little. It was as if he knew of the forbidden thoughts going on in my mind. I patted him and his intelligent red eyes stared deep into mine, trusting me to do the right thing. I mounted and allowed Shadowmere to guide himself into the rising sun. I know he is a wise horse, wiser than most men. Still, many a stable hand has run from him, after all, he is a monster. That could be why he likes me so much. It takes on to know one.

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><p>I've discovered that long multi-chapter stories are not my forte but I may add chapters when I feel like it. I know, such a travesty. Please rate and review! Or just review. Can you even rate things on this site? Huh.<p> 


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